


These Four Morons

by Mrs_SimonTam_PHD



Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [11]
Category: Criminal Minds (US TV)
Genre: Injured!Morgan, Injured!Rossi, JJ is wondering how many brain cells there were and who was in possession of said brain cell, Lies, Momma!JJ, Other, Playing Sports Aftermath, Sports injuries, injured!Hotch, injured!reid
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-27 23:40:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 842
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22664131
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD/pseuds/Mrs_SimonTam_PHD
Summary: JJ has Morgan, Hotch, Rossi, and Reid explain why they all have various injuries from a simple game of soccer.
Relationships: Aaron Hotchner/Spencer Reid, Mentioned Derek Morgan/Penelope Garcia
Series: Bad Things Happen Bingo [11]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1595023
Comments: 22
Kudos: 233





	These Four Morons

**Author's Note:**

> Bad Things Happen Bingo fill!!
> 
> Square: Sports Injury

Jennifer “JJ” Jareau could  _ not  _ believe what the fuck she was seeing.

All of the men that worked in the BAU were… well, covered in bandages, bruises, and braces. 

It was their day off, and yet, the four of them- Rossi, Hotch, Morgan, and Reid- all looked like they went in on Mike Tyson and drastically lost. 

“Guys,” she said, gazing at each of them in turn, “what the  _ fuck  _ happened?” 

“We played soccer. Reid and I versus Dave and Morgan,” Hotch explained. 

“Really?” JJ said, crossing her arms over her chest. “It looks like the four of you were playing Calvinball instead.” 

“We weren’t,” Rossi assured her. “It got to be a rather…” 

“Intense game,” Morgan supplied. 

“So please tell me why we all look like we fell out of a tree?” JJ asked. Rossi went first. “I sprained my ankle scuffling with Aaron for the ball,” he said. “And I broke my thumb trying to prevent Spencer from making a goal. He ended up kicking my hand.” He looked at the youngest member of the team. “That’s the  _ last time  _ I play goalie against you.” 

Spencer gave a shrug while JJ face palmed. 

Hotch explained next. “I sprained my ankle in that same scuffle with Dave, I bruised my ribs when Morgan kicked the ball into my side by accident-” 

“It was a good block, too,” Morgan added. 

Hotch nodded in agreement. “And I cracked my tooth because I ran into the goal by accident.” 

“Hold up, how do you run into a goal by accident?” JJ asked. 

“Well, I didn’t  _ plan  _ to run into the goal,” Hotch tried to explain. “I just was running, trying to figure out when to help Spencer prevent Morgan from making that goal, and I just… hit the goal.” 

“Goodness gracious,” JJ sighed, shaking her head. 

Morgan was the next one to try to explain away his injuries. “Broke my nose blocking the ball from making the goal by Hotch,” he said, pointing his now very crooked nose. “I fell and Reid accidentally kicked me in the eye while he ran after the ball, so that’s a shiner on top of a shiner. I slid on the wet grass and slammed my shin into the goalpost, and then… well, Hotch kicked me in the nuts.” 

“They were in the way of the ball,” Hotch shrugged. “Not my fault you didn’t wear a cup like you’re supposed to, Morgan.” 

“You’re wearing  _ cleats,  _ Hotch!” Morgan whined. “They hurt. Still.” 

“Have Garcia kiss them better,” Reid suggested. 

Morgan turned and raised his brow at Reid, who was reading. As if anyone expected him to do anything differently. “You wanna go, pretty boy?” he asked. 

“Go where?” Reid asked idly, looking up from his book.

“Okay, enough,” JJ said, holding them up before the situation got out of hand. “Spence?” 

Reid sighed and closed his book. “I’m very uncoordinated,” he said as his explanation. 

“We know this,” JJ said. “How are you like the way you currently are, though?” 

“Well, I can say that Hotch is lying.” Reid squinted at the Unit Chief, who coughed in embarrassment. 

“Spencer-” Oh, there it was. There was the Southern drawl that only comes out at certain times, and apparently, when Hotch called Reid by his first name was one of those, making the ending  _ er  _ softer. “Spensah” instead of “Spencer.” 

JJ raised a brow. 

“I just made a goal, Aaron came running over, kissed me, and it was…” Reid flushed and gave a half shrug. 

“They were playing tonsil hockey in the middle of the field,” Morgan explained, “So I kicked the ball at them. Didn’t realize that they finished kissing, and Hotch’s mouth fell onto Reid’s head. Chipped his tooth and gashed Reid’s head open.” 

“Jesus Christ,” JJ said, pinching her nose to stave off the headache. 

“I also got kicked by the ball numerous times,” Reid announced, continuing, “I sprained my wrist trying to stop one of Morgan’s goals, sprained my ankle after kicking the ball away from Rossi wrong, and I broke three fingers punching Morgan.” 

“For kicking the ball into your head?” JJ asked. 

“Yup.” Morgan grinned. “Kid had a solid punch, but it was against my jaw.” 

“If only your other head was half as solid,” Reid said. 

“I’m going to dunk you into a trashcan, little boy,” Morgan groaned. 

“Ah, no you’re not,” JJ said. “Did the four of you go to the hospital or urgent care to get checked out?” 

The resounding silence that seemed to echo after that question told JJ her answer. 

“Alright, boys, load up, we’re going to urgent care,” she said. 

“Can you not do the Mom Voice Thing?” Reid said plaintively. 

“Nope,” JJ said as she herded the four grown men out of her office. “You guys are acting like Henry and Michael, so that’s how I’m going to treat you.” 

The four men sighed and shuffled towards the entrance of the building, JJ behind them. 

Seriously, how could a simple game of soccer lead to  _ this many injuries? _

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> Tumblr: @lucibae-is-dancing-in-hell
> 
> Twitter: @Alendra_Dragon
> 
> Comments and Kudos are Shiny!!


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